19 September 2018
Hello again my little bean!
Yesterday was a very special day. We finally got to see you for the first time! I've never been so proud of something so tiny. It's making me realise that I get to grow you, cell by cell, and that's just mind-blowing to me. Honestly, aren't women the best?
Growing you inside of me has made me rethink my own body image a lot. I've always had a negative relationship with my body. Too small, too round, my stomach was never as flat as I wanted it to be, you name it. Now that same body with that same round belly is doing something beautiful. Perhaps the most beautiful thing there is. I get to carry our family's future, and it makes me feel nauseous and tired yet stronger than ever.
Anyway, back to meeting you, our 3 millimeter grain-of-rice-sized baby. After we found out I was pregnant, we had to wait for a tantalising 3 weeks to find out if you were okay. It felt like 3 years! Every scenario passed in my thoughts, especially if I felt anything happening below my bellybutton. Your mom and me were definitely not care-free these past weeks, having been through that awful miscarriage, but we made it. Finally, yesterday, we had our first ultrasound.
I've never been as relieved as when the doctor got a clear view of you. This tiny little bean with an even tinier pulsing heart. Finally we knew that you were right where you needed to be, doing exactly the right thing. Growing. I've not seen your mommy this relieved, happy and nervous, all at the same time. She was glowing with pride when she took your picture, while I wiped away tears of relief to get another good look at you.
Back in the car after seeing you for the first time!
Then all of a sudden we were outside again, blinking in the bright sun. A strong wind was blowing away my nausea, nothing could ruin our day. We finally got to tell our loved ones, which was amazing. We brought pie over to all your grandparents to celebrate you. Everyone was so happy, tears of joy all around. It was the best thing ever to share you with your family. At last.
Now that I'm 7 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby, we don't have to go back to the fertility clinic. We've graduated there, and will go to a midwife instead. So mundane, it's almost boring! In 5 weeks, when I'm 12 weeks pregnant, our doctor will call once more to check in, and then we're all done with the fertility clinic.