8 October 2018
Today, you're in my belly ten weeks. Ten weeks baby! Since last week I haven't felt as nauseous, and slowly my energy is coming back a little. With each passing day I get a bit more confident that you're real, and that you're going to stay around. Whenever I feel doubtful or insecure, I can watch the video of your little heartbeat and it soothes me.
Every morning I wake up lying on my stomach, with my boobs all squished and hurting like hell. So I flip over onto my back, feeling so grateful that you're making my boobs hurt. When I get out of bed and walk past the mirror, the first thing that comes into view is my bump. I look like I'm 4 months pregnant! My body is growing rounder every day, and old demons sometimes haunt me. I feel like I may be too big, or too pregnant. It takes a minute to realise how utterly ridiculous that sounds, but I guess my body issues can't magically disappear. Even if you're the most wanted weight I've ever gained. Don't worry baby, just grow please! Take up all the space you need, and I'll work on being more gentle on myself.
Doris is in loooooove with my pregnancy hormones haha!
Only one more day before we have another ultrasound. If you're still comfy and in place with a nice strong heartbeat, it's time to tell the rest of the world about you. I've practiced telling people a little bit, when a couple of friends from work came over yesterday. While we were knitting away (Yes, your mom is part of a knitting club, and she loves it. No shame there.) I slipped you right into the conversation. Nerve-racking business my little one! My heart skipped a beat and I got all flushed. It felt like admitting I have a crush on someone, which is totally the case by the way! I'm head over heels for you, you little munchkin.
On the other hand it feels like I'm making you up sometimes, because I can't feel you in there yet. That's why I'm extra excited to look at you again tomorrow. If you did well, you've grown from a teeny tiny bean to a still teeny tiny baby. Just about 3,5 or 4 centimeter, but now you have little legs and arms and eyes and ears and toes and fingers with little nails and a wee little nose! We've made all your organs together, and all you need to do is grow and get nice and chubby, safe in my tummy. See ya tomorrow baby!